Want to smell like bacon?

Ok.  Bear with me, this is going to be a very odd rambling post, but I just can't keep this strange discovery to myself.  Let me begin by saying I know people love bacon.  I have been known to like it from time to time as well, on a sandwich or in a salad.  But one thing I HATE is it's lingering smell... how when someone cooks it the whole house reeks of it for hours afterward, and your clothes remain bacon scented until you wash them.  Though it seems that I may be alone in this hatred, seeing as there is a new COLOGNE that is bacon scented.  Whaaaaaa?  Where do I begin?  First of all, the name.  It's called bacōn; not bacon, bay-cone.  Say it like a pretentious jerk: bay-cooooone!  I imagine if I met someone wearing bacōn our conversation would go something like this:

"omigawd it smells like f'ing bacon in here"
"oooh yes, dahling, that is my bacōn"
"you mean bacon?"
"Its bacōn... Bay-cone cologne.  Very rare."
"I'm sorry you have to smell that all day"
"I chose to smell this way"


And then I barf.

Also, please look at their bottle.  It's a weird naked lady with deformed bell bottom jean legs.  Scent by the gods? wtf? The gods smell like fried pork? When other bacon lovers meet you, do they try to smell you? Taste you?

It gets better! There is bacōn Gold!  Way fancier than the classic scent. Here's what they say about it:

"bacōn Gold is designed for women & men [thank the gods].  A common question, does this fragrance really smell like bacon? [I was wondering that!]  The answer is yes & no [very diplomatic of you, bacōn].  Our Gold formula offers a memorable sizzling citrus aroma with an ever so slight hint of bacon and the fun… is in finding it."

in FINDING IT?  What does this even mean? I wouldn't want anyone searching me for bacon scent.  I love the ellipsis placement though, so dramatic! But sizzling citrus? Sizzling should not be a word used about a product you use on your body. It sounds painful.

So, you probably want some, you can buy it here